The HeART of Laser-Focused Coaching

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Marion Franklin has become my new coaching guru!  Her wisdom gleaned from many years of experience and masterful coaching are packed into the pages of this excellent book.  It’s a fabulous resource for both experienced coaches and those just starting out.  Marion has a refreshingly direct approach and is clear on what does and does not constitute coaching.  She has a strong emphasis on going deeper not broader and coaching the person, rather than their story or problem.

The book is packed with examples and concludes with the transcript of a full coaching conversation.  She encourages coaches to take a helicopter approach, to stay above the person’s story and to not get caught in the details.  The importance of taking a high-level view and observing the big picture also allows her to see themes.  She describes the 25 most common themes she has identified.

Marion shares that as she coaches, she keeps two questions in mind to deepen her listening and curiosity:

1) Why are they telling me this?

2) What’s making this a problem for this person?

These questions guide her listening and the follow-up questions that she asks.

There is too much great content in this book to write all the highlights here, but I highly recommend you add this to your bookshelf, read it and practice implementing the powerful and practical coaching insights that Marion shares.

Thanks for the Feedback

Why is it that when we give feedback we so often feel right, yet when we receive feedback it so often feels wrong?  This is a great question posed by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen in their excellent book - ‘Thanks for the Feedback’.  Much is written around how to give feedback, but this book is all about how to receive feedback.

The authors define feedback as any information about yourself.  It can be formal or informal, solicited or unwanted, positive or negative, obvious or subtle, from a friend or your boss, verbal or non-verbal.  It could be the boss giving you feedback on your presentation or your teenage son screwing up his face in response to your suggestion.  These are all information that we can receive as feedback.

Many of us have an emotional response to feedback or instantly become defensive. Learning to pause, take stock, and ask, “What kind of feedback am I dealing with?” and “What is triggering my emotions?” will help us to process what we are receiving. 

The authors divide feedback into three categories: -

1. Appreciation – we feel seen, valued, acknowledged

2. Coaching – suggestions and tips to help us learn, grow or change

3. Evaluation - tells us where we stand, an assessment or ranking

Once we determine what kind of feedback we are receiving, there are three more categories to consider.   These help us to understand what the trigger behind our knee jerk reaction might be. Our emotional reaction could be because of a: -

• Truth Trigger – Where we believe the feedback is wrong, unfair or unhelpful.

• Relationship trigger - I can’t hear this feedback from you! Feedback is coloured by the relationship between the giver and receiver.

• Identity trigger – Our identity, a sense of who we are, has come undone. We feel threatened, overwhelmed, ashamed or off-balance.

I have found this very helpful - to identify what type of feedback I am receiving and what my own internal trigger might be.   Once we have a clearer picture of this, then we are ready to pause and ask a few good questions for reflection and personal growth.  These questions might include: -

Seeking clarity, to understand: -

• Can you give me an example of that?

• Please describe what you mean by that?

• What could I do that would help me improve?

Asking yourself: -

• What’s right? – What makes sense about what they are saying?  How might this be helpful?

• How do we see this differently?  What’s different about the information we are looking at?  What’s different about our interpretation?  What makes us see this differently?

• Moving Forward – What’s one thing I could work on?  What options do we have for moving forward?

If we all got better at receiving feedback, we would be much easier to work with and live with!  Our relationships would be richer, and we would see feedback as an opportunity for growth.  I recommend that you add this book to your reading list for your own personal growth when it comes to receiving feedback.

The Coaching Habit

Perhaps you are someone who has experienced the power of coaching and now you would like to use coaching skills in your leadership. But you don’t have the time to invest in an extensive coach training program. After all you love your job and you just want to add the skills, not actually become a certified coach.

If this sounds like you, then I recommend you read ‘The Coaching Habit’ by Michael Bungay Stanier. It is an easy read that will help you make coaching a daily informal part of how you lead, in order to unlock the potential of others. There are 7 chapters that outline 7 essential coaching questions. These questions have the potential to transform your interactions with your staff and team. He also throws in some other valuable coaching tips and focuses on how to build these new learning’s into habits.

If I share anymore here I will give away the content of the book! It doesn’t take long to read but it will change the way you lead. Do add it to your pandemic reading list.

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The One Thing

In our age of distraction when daily we are pulled in so many directions, this book is a very helpful and refreshing read.  The authors suggest that narrowing your focus is the key to success - “extraordinary results are directly determined by how narrow you can make your focus”.

Keller & Papason argue that not all things matter equally, despite the speed and urgency that they are coming at us.  It takes intentionality and discernment to separate the urgent from the important.  Most of us know that certain things matter more than others, but we often don’t allow these to drive our day. 

The book talks about the importance of saying ‘no’, it unpacks the myth of multitasking and addresses distraction and its ability to undermine results.   It suggests that a balanced life is a myth, as not all priorities matter equally.  The authors encourage the discipline of establishing new habits and of applying time blocking in order to achieve mastery.   They suggest blocking four hours a day for your one thing.  Having a coach or accountability partner to come alongside and keep you on track is also encouraged.

This is great read and if taken seriously will impact the way you work.  The book can be summarised by the authors statement - “To achieve an extraordinary result you must choose what matters most and give it all the time it demands.”

The questions I love from this book: -

 “What’s the ONE Thing I can do in my life that would mean the most to me and the world, such that by doing it everything else would be easier or unnecessary?”

“What’s the ONE Thing I can do today for [whatever you want] such that by doing it everything else will be easier or even unnecessary?”

What’s the ONE thing I can do in my… my spiritual life, physical health, personal life, key relationships, job, business, and financial life. 

My favourite quotes from ‘The One Thing’: -

 “It’s not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?”  Henry David Thoreau

 “Be like a postage stamp–stick to one thing until you get there.” Josh Billings

“The things which are most important don’t always scream the loudest.” Bob Hawke

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The Storyteller's Secret

A story has the power to take us on an emotional journey, to move us to tears. Our heart connects, the passion shines through, vision comes to life. We all resonate with a well told story. A story paints a picture, it communicates purpose, it grab’s peoples attention. A story helps people make sense of information, it can simplify complex topics, motivate teams, persuade people, or start a movement!

Carmine Gallo shares dozens of examples of great story tellers that have influenced change, started movements and built successful companies - from Apple to Starbucks, Churchill to Malala Yousafzai, both famous people and ordinary people, who have inspired and brought about change through the power of story. As he shares these stories, Gallo breaks down what makes the stories connect with people, what the key tools are to sharing a good story and how you too can learn to be a successful story teller. Add this book to your reading list and learn the simple yet powerful techniques for connecting with people’s hearts through story.

The one key message of this book - ‘story is king!’

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