Cracking the Curiosity Code

Albert Einstein is often famously quoted as saying, “I am neither especially clever nor especially gifted. I am only very, very curious.”

Following in Einstein’s footsteps, can we too learn to cultivate curiosity?  It is this, and many other crucial questions, that Diane Hamilton dives into social science research to find the answers.  It is fascinating that so many people have spent time and resources studying this topic.  But the outcomes of that research are even more fascinating!  This book looks into the research behind the following (and other) key questions, and in each case comes up with a resounding YES.

1.     Are curious people more successful? Yes!

2.     Can curiosity increase our intelligence? Yes!

3.     Are curiosity and creativity related? Yes!

4.     Does curiosity translate into motivation and success? Yes!

5.     Does curiosity help decision making? Yes!

6.     Is there a correlation between curiosity and successful leaders? Yes!

7.     Is there a link between employee engagement and curiosity? Yes!

8.     Does curiosity influence academic performance? Yes!

The results are clear, successful leaders, in fact successful people are more curious!

And if curiosity is linked to employee innovation and engagement, it is worth considering, does your work culture reward curious and crazy questions?  Are innovative questions encouraged and received well?  Is it safe for your people to voice their curiosity?  If curiosity is contagious, how do you model this to your team?  Albert Einstein is also famously quoted for saying, “Curiosity is more important than intelligence.”  A Harvard Business Review article also confirms this.  What would it look like if your team had the superpower of curiosity? 

According to the author we can all learn to cultivate curiosity, and in fact according to research, we are born curious. So, what holds us back?  Hamilton suggests four key factors that hinder curiosity:-

-      Fear – fear of change, of the unknown or the uncomfortable.

·      Assumptions – the more we assume we know, the less curious we are.

·      Technology – we accept  answers without being curious about how they came about.

·      Environment – our school, work, family or social environment can stifle our curiosity.

Despite factors that hold us back, we can all learn to cultivate curiosity. The book concludes with the question, “How do we cultivate curiosity?”  It is a choice, according to Diane Hamilton.  We can choose to employ our curiosity or not.  She says, “Whether we’re mildly curious, passionately curious, emotionally curious, or fearful of curiosity is ultimately a matter of choice.”

So, upon reflection, on a scale of 1 (low) to 10 (high), how would you rate the curiosity level you are choosing to operate at? My aim is to see my curiosity quotient move up at least a couple of notches on the scale. I want curious and wise questions to be part of who I am.

Never Split the Difference

Chris Voss has many years of experience working with the FBI in international crises and high-stakes negotiations. In this enjoyable book, ‘Never Split the Difference’ he outlines the key principles for successful negotiation. This wisdom didn’t come easily or naturally but was developed through many years of experience, consulting with other professionals, and learning from painful mistakes that sadly cost lives.  What is interesting, is that many of the skills that are crucial for successful negotiating are the same skills applied in effective coaching. Take a look at this wisdom from the FBI and see if this sounds familiar?

Listen Intensely – effective negotiators listen intently. They understand that people want to be understood and accepted.  By listening we demonstrate empathy and build trust.  We communicate a sincere desire to better understand what the other person is experiencing.

Question Assumptions – don’t commit to assumptions, question and test assumptions and remain open to all possibilities.

Presence - make your sole and all-encompassing focus the other person and what they have to say. Quiet the voices in your own head. Make the other person feel safe enough to talk.

Calm and Slow – if you’re too much in a hurry, people can feel as if they’re not being heard.  When you slow the process down, you also calm it down. Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators are prone to making.

Mirroring - is essentially imitation, where we copy each other to comfort each other. Chris shares the impact of repeating (or mirroring) the last three words, or the critical one to three words, of what someone has just said.

Label – labelling is a way of validating someone’s emotion by acknowledging them. Instead of denying or ignoring emotions, good negotiators identify and influence them. Spot the persons feelings, turn them into words, and then very calmly and respectfully repeat their emotions back.

Empathy – Chris writes that empathy is paying attention to another human being, asking what they are feeling, and making a commitment to understanding their world.  Seek to understand the situation from the other person’s perspective

Calibrated Questions – ask questions that start with the words ‘how’ and ‘what’.  Avoid questions that can be answered with ‘yes’ or small bits of information.  And avoid asking questions that start with ‘why’, these translate as accusation.

Body Language - pay close attention to tone of voice and body language.  Notice incongruence between the person’s words and nonverbal signs.

No doubt these skills sound familiar! While the outcome of a high stakes negotiation and a coaching conversation are clearly different, the same important skills apply to both.  Chris shares how bringing all of these together, like a conductor, will result in a successful negotiating process.  The book then elaborates on how we can use these skills in daily life, for example purchasing a car or negotiating a salary hike.

This is a book I highly recommend. It will help you to take the skills you may already have and to learn to apply these when negotiating.  This is a very helpful and practical read.

The Fearless Organization

Psychological Safety, the term coined by Amy Edmondson, is becoming common language in today’s workplace.  Edmondson broadly defines Psychological Safety as a climate in which people are comfortable expressing and being themselves. 

It is a concept we all adhere to in theory, but the practice is much more difficult!  After all, who doesn’t want a team where people are free to share ideas, ask questions, seek help and admit mistakes. Yet this is not the reality in many workplaces.

Edmondson shares research that shows when people do not feel safe they revert to silence, withdrawal and self-protection. A climate of fear results in people holding back, covering up and withholding their knowledge.  As a result, innovation and creativity are hindered and ultimately productivity and profitability are affected.

The book outlines the key traits of a psychologically safe team and workplace.  Interestingly, these are also the key traits of a coaching approach.

 1.     Listening  - a culture where people feel safe to share ideas and criticisms and will feel heard without being judged or punished.

 2.     Curiosity – inquiry is encouraged and participation is invited.  People are comfortable to share ideas and ask genuine questions for the sake of learning.

 3.     Humility – it is understand that no one person has all the answers and there is genuine interest to learn from others on the team.

 4.     Empathy – remembering that everyone faces hurdles and makes mistakes and that compassion is part of being human.

Edmondson demonstrates that a work environment with these attributes fosters employee engagement and allows for interpersonal risk taking where people feel able to speak up with ideas, questions and concerns.  Trust and respect is present.

Reading ‘The Fearless Organisation’ has reinforced my belief in the importance of leaders learning and modelling these coaching skills in order to create a psychologically safe workplace.  These are skills we can all learn! As Edmondson states, “Building and reinforcing psychological safety is the responsibility of leaders at all levels of the organization.”

The Power of Group Coaching

Image: Jeremy Bishop Unsplash

While professional coaching has been widely acknowledged as a powerful tool for both personal and professional growth, the role of group coaching in adding another level of impact to that development seems less understood.  Recently, as I participated in group coaching, I pondered on the “magic” that happens when people come together in a group.  When peers gather for an intentional coaching conversation around a common topic, what value do they receive?  What do they gain from the group that individual coaching does not offer?  As I reflected on these questions, five benefits came to mind: -

1.     Peer Support – it is not easy to admit that we are struggling with an issue in the workplace.  We don’t want others to know our weakness, and by our silence we isolate ourselves and assume we are the only one who is experiencing this.  It is delightful to watch people’s faces light up in a group coaching conversation when they realise others are wrestling with the same issues or have experienced the same struggles.  We are not alone; we are normal!  The support of peers who can say, “Yeah I have been there,” gives us hope and strength.  It normalizes our experience.  Our vulnerability in a group coaching context gives the opportunity for others to come alongside and support us.

2.     Peer Insight – during a recent group coaching call, one of the participants said, “My thinking is being influenced by what the others are saying.”  As we each bring our own challenges related to a common topic and hear our colleagues think and process out loud, we receive fresh “Aha!” moments.  Their thinking and perspective add to our thinking.  It sparks ideas that help us move towards solutions.  It is interesting to watch how the thinking of one person can bring insight to another.  “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another,” is the truth of the well-known biblical proverb.  Thinking done together is powerful!

3.     Peer Wisdom – one of the guidelines in group coaching is that we do not give each other advice.  We can ask our peers a question or give a word of encouragement, but it is not a space for passing on our pearls of wisdom.  Yet, each person brings his or her own unique experience to the group.  As participants process their learning, others in the group glean wisdom.  One manager who was new to group coaching kept asking, “But what do I do?”  No advice was given and yet at the end of the meeting she was able to excitedly say, “I know exactly what to do now.  It became clear when I heard Ravi sharing.”  Ravi’s external processing about his own challenge spoke directly to hers.  Wisdom is imparted!

4.     Peer Accountability – healthy and supportive accountability is motivating; it is good for us all!  Knowing that we are meeting regularly with a supportive group of peers, with whom we will share the progress on our action steps, keeps us committed to moving forward and following through.  Each group coaching session concludes with all the participants sharing the action steps they are committed to working on before the next meeting.  And the next session always begins with an invitation from the coach, “Let’s have each person update us on the progress they made on their action steps.”  This supportive environment of healthy accountability results in forward movement and growth.

5.     Peer Encouragement – during group coaching, participants are encouraged to ask each other questions or to give a word of encouragement.  During one coaching session with a group of managers, it was beautiful to hear one colleague say to another, “I was really impressed how you led that tense meeting the other day. You did it so well.”  All of us need encouragement, and group coaching provides an intentional and safe space to give that.  In the busyness of work life, we may not take the time to share the positive things we notice about our colleague’s work.  The reflective space of a group coaching conversation provides an opportunity for this.   Encouragement fills our tank.  We all need it!

As the well-known African Proverb states - “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”  Group coaching is “going together,” where everyone contributes to the success of each other.  As a group of five or six people meet monthly around a common theme, they begin to know and understand one another at a deeper level.  Barriers come down, transparency grows and the deep processing of each individual benefits the group.  Over time the culture of an organization is impacted.  As a coach it is a “magical” experience to watch the power of group coaching bring about individual growth and transformation.

Atomic Habits

James Clear describes an atomic habit as, “A little habit that is part of a larger system. Just as atoms are the building blocks of molecules, atomic habits are the building blocks of remarkable results”.

This book is definitely worth adding to your reading list, it’s incredibly insightful and practical.  The author suggests that our daily choices, habits and systems all build into who we are becoming.  If we know who we wish to become, then we can build daily habits that reinforce and affirm that identity.  Clear asserts that “changes that seem small and unimportant at first will compound into remarkable results if you’re willing to stick with them for years”.  The books premise is that our long-term success and who we become is a result of our daily choices and habits, and that we have what it takes to build and shape those habits.

A key question that he suggests for reviewing our current and future habits is, “Does this behavior help me become the type of person I wish to be?”  This is a powerful question and one that it would be helpful to ask ourselves often.

Clear unpacks four laws of behaviour change that reinforce habit building and he shares the inversion of these for breaking bad habits.  I will let you read the book to discover what is behind each of these laws, let’s just say, I am paying much more attention to my environment these days in order to reinforce the habits that are shaping who I become.

The 1st  Law - Make it Obvious (cue)

The 2nd Law - Make it Attractive (craving)

The 3rd  Law - Make it Easy (response)

The 4th  Law - Make it Satisfying (reward)

A few highlights and takeaways from the book that I wish to remember include: -

•  The quality of our lives often depends on the quality of our habits.

• Surround yourself with people who have the habits you want to have yourself. You’ll rise together.  

• If you want to master a habit, the key is to start with repetition, not perfection.

• Prime your environment to make future actions easier. 

• Research has shown that people who track their progress on goals like losing weight, quitting smoking, and lowering blood pressure are all more likely to improve than those who don’t.

• One of the best ways to ensure your habits remain satisfying over the long-run is to pick behaviors that align with your personality and skills. Work hard on the things that come easy. 

• Habits are easier when they align with your natural abilities. Choose the habits that best suit you.  

• Reflection and review enable the long-term improvement of all habits because it makes you aware of your mistakes and helps you consider possible paths for improvement.   The secret to getting results that last is to never stop making improvements.

Enjoy reading Atomic Habits!

You're Not Listening

How would you rate your ability to listen? Or how would those dear to you rate your listening?  Most of us would quickly admit we have room to grow in this area.  Listening takes effort and intentionality which we often don’t give, yet we all crave to be deeply understood and known.  

Kate Murphy states, “An attentive listener changes the quality of the conversation.”  Imagine that!  You have the ability and power to change the quality of the conversations you are part of.

You’re Not Listening is the most helpful book I have read on this topic in a long while.  I appreciate the research supporting the writing and it is clear that the author has interviewed many people in the process of bringing depth and insight to the topic.

“Listening is fundamental to any successful relationship,” says Kate Murphy, and when we ponder this, we know it to be true.  Think about your relationships where quality listening is lacking. They are likely to be limited in their connection, depth and trust.  And while we understand the difference good listening makes, most of us are still not great at practicing this.  It seems that those who have developed their listening skills have much richer lives.

Each chapter of this book brings different perspectives and insights about what it takes to listen well.   While we can learn the outer techniques that look like we appear to be listening, it is our inner posture of curiosity, openness, wanting to receive and willingness to learn from others, that helps us to show up as a good listener.  Murphy writes, “Listening requires, more than anything, curiosity.”

The chapters on closeness-communication bias and confirmation and expectancy bias have some great food for thought.   Closeness communication bias was a new concept for me, and I can see it clearly in my own life.  We make assumptions about those we love, who are closest too us, and we don’t respond with the same curiosity. Murphy suggests that assumptions are earplugs.  Thinking we already know how a conversation will go, what the person thinks or how they will respond, kills curiosity and undermines listening.

There are many great insights about what gets in the way of us listening well, often related to our internal biases, self-talk, emotional state or social anxiety.  One new concept I learned was that of supporting verses shifting the conversation.  For most of us we relate with a shift response, which directs attention away from the speaker and back onto us.  Whereas, a support response, encourages elaboration from the speaker, where we ask curious questions to solicit more information and seek to truly understand.  How often are we guilty of shifting a conversation to ourselves and not mining the gold in what our friend or colleague is sharing?  Good listeners are all about the support response.  

This book contains many great insights. I recommend you go ahead and order it and start reading.

Remember - an attentive listener changes the quality of the conversation.  That can be you!