Generating Feedback

In coaching we often ask three simple questions to help a person think through an event, project or situation, to generate their own feedback.

What did you do well?

What could you improve on?

How would you do that differently next time?

Asking these three questions, interspersed by "What else?" or "What other thoughts come to mind?" is a powerful way of debriefing a situation and generating feedback.  Our human nature is often quick to see what went wrong and to minimize the many positive things that happened.  It is so helpful to start with the positive and recognize what did go well.

After thinking through what could be improved on, we are in a good position to consider practical steps for doing things differently or better in the future.  By asking these questions and actively listening, you will be surprised by how much important feedback can be generated from within a person.  Feedback doesn't always need to come from others.  And if you are a supervisor or manager, generating feedback from your staff will save you many potentially uncomfortable conversations where you feel the need to give feedback.  Now instead of giving it, you can draw it out!

This week in your home or work, take time to ask a colleague or your teenager these simple but powerful questions.  You will be amazed at how helpful this can be in generating great feedback from within.

Feed Forward!

Feed forward seems less scary and more positive than feedback. The idea of feed forward was introduced to me by Marshall Goldsmith in his book 'What got you here won't get you there'.  I like that it is future looking and practical.

In summary there are 4 simple steps to feed forward:-

1. Pick the behavior you would like to change,
2. Describe this objective in conversation with anyone you meet,
3. Ask that person for two suggestions that might help you achieve positive change in your selected behavior,
4. Listen attentively to their suggestions and reply only with a 'thank you'. (Do not add ' but' or 'however'!)

Feed Forward - Ask for ideas, listen, say thank you!

Maybe your behavior change is to become a better listener.  You may ask, "would you suggest two ideas that I can implement in the future to help me become a better listener?"

Perhaps you would like to become better at leading team meetings.  You might ask, "would you suggest two ideas that I can implement to help me better lead meetings?"

Feed forward focuses on solutions rather than problems, it is forward looking rather than focusing on the past, it helps you to gather ideas for future change.

There still maybe a disconnect between knowing what to do and changing, but feed forward shows others that you are serious about wanting to grow.  With your support team of coaches and mentors, you are in a strong position to implement your feed forward ideas.

Question to Ponder:- What behavior would you like to change that would make a significant positive difference in your life? 

Why not give feed forward a try!

Hungry for Feedback?

When it comes to feedback I face an inner struggle.  I know it's character building and crucial for my personal growth, yet a large part of me doesn't want to hear it. I shy from wanting to know where I could improve.

For many of us feedback causes us to go into defensive mode, fight-or-flight.  That's because we see feedback as dangerous.  But Henry Cloud (Boundaries for Leaders) suggests that if we see it as a gift, we will hunger for more.  He says that 'to be the best you can be, you must develop a hunger for feedback. Good character welcomes feedback and foolish character fights it off'.

In order to grow and change we need to seek out feedback, to make it a normal part of the way we operate.  I like what Marshall Goldsmith advises in his book 'What got you here won't get you there'.  He suggests that we should solicit advice rather than criticism, which is directed towards the future rather than obsessed with the past. Ask questions like "how can I do better?"  Or "how can I be a better leader (or team member) of this group?"

The challenge for me personally is to see feedback as one of the best gifts I can receive.  To not become defensive, blame others or move into denial, but rather to embrace it and put it to good use for my own growth and the good of the team.

Question to Ponder:- What is your appetite for feedback?  Do you get defensive or are you receptive when you receive feedback?

How are You Leading Yourself?

How are you leading yourself?  Recently I was challenged by this question by Henry Cloud in 'Boundaries for Leaders'. As leaders we often get busy being reactive to the urgent, emails, daily demands and the volume of work that we shoulder.  But Cloud emphasizes the importance of proactively surrounding ourselves with an independent support network.

We need to open ourselves to outside input that brings us energy and guidance.  As leaders we all need a support system.  No matter how capable we are, working in isolation is not healthy for our personal growth or effective leadership.

He suggests that leaders who are champions are bolstered with a strong support system.  This may include an advisory board, a coach, mentors and others who speak into our lives.  As leaders we must not isolate ourselves.  Cloud suggests that the ideal support people will come from outside of our organization.  From those who are objective and don't have a vested interest in the outcomes, yet they are for us!

He goes onto say...

'Leaders need outside voices to provide emotional and functional support, not just so they can avoid mistakes but also so they can grow as leaders.'

'The fact is we all get subjective and do not see the whole truth, about ourselves or about others.  We need outside eyes to help us.  We need another set of ears to hear what is going on.  To not recognize this is the height of arrogance.'

'While internal advisers are essential, outside ones are different. They protect you by having no conflict of interest; they are only there to help you, not to serve themselves, if they are good ones.'

The challenge to me personally is who do I need to invite to bolster my support network?  This means being vulnerable and open and giving permission for others to speak directly into my life.  But God never intended for us to journey through life in isolation, but rather in community.  What additional people could be part of my support community?

Question to Consider: In what areas do you need outside input?  Where can you get this?

Intent is Key to Trust

Trust is a constant theme throughout all the leadership and management books I have read recently. Henry Cloud (Boundaries for Leaders) talks about the need to understand what we mean by trust, the nature, elements and components that make up trust.  One of the key components he refers to is that of 'intent'.

What does he mean by 'intent'?  To truly trust someone we need to know that they are for us and their intent is to help us.  We need to know they are looking out for us (as well as for themselves) and thinking about how things will affect the team.  Cloud suggests that being for the 'whole' and for the 'other' as well as for yourself builds trust.

I can recall several colleagues that I have worked with in the past.  People I would describe as completely honest and reliable in their dealings, yet deep down I didn't fully trust them.  On reflection I believe the issue was that their own agenda was above that of the team, the individual above the whole.  They didn't have my back covered. It's not easy to identify exactly how this looks, but it comes through in subtle actions and attitudes.

I had never considered how intent builds into trust, but I can now see that it as an important component.  Jesus words to "love your neighbor as yourself" could also be paraphrased as "love your colleagues as yourself" or to "love your team as yourself".

Question to Ponder: How 'for' the team am I?  How would others describe my 'intent'?

Why does Connection Matter so Much?

Henry Cloud's book Boundaries for Leaders continues to provide much food for thought.  A few quotes from the chapter 'Power Through Connection'.

Why does connection matter so much in performance?  And how can leaders create it and enhance it?

Our brains need positive relationship to grow and function well.

Creating an environment that allows for vulnerability and high levels of trust builds connection.

To connect with you, I need to be aware of you and what you are dealing with, and you with me.

When people feel like they are out of the loop, the seeds of disconnection are sown. 

Create a climate where problems and issues get shared and solved through the team's engagement with one another.

When people can go into the hard stuff and begin to talk about what they are experiencing, the power of relationships to transform those states of fear into courage, or anger into resolution, is a truly wonderful thing.

In good relationships, where the connections are deep and trusting, long-lasting damage doesn't have to be a side effect of honesty and conflict.  Misunderstandings are short-term, feelings aren't hurt, and even when the situation needs to get fixed, apologies, humility, and humor come swiftly and easily. 

Before you try to move people to your position,make sure they feel that you understand where they are coming from, what they are feeling, and what they are dealing with.

Questions to Ask: In what ways are your team and organization showing disconnection?  What kind of meetings do you currently have?  Do they foster connection?